3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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