The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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