she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
