i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
there is another microwave in the elevator.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
