It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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