I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
