Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
