Screwed.edu
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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