Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize