i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
