I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
