There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Randomize
