You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
