i used baking grease as lip gloss
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
