If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
