I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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