It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
