wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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