Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
