it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize