who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
