the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
