You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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