let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
