I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
