Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
how does that bad decision feel?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
