You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
We are two peas in an std pod
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
