my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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