Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
