8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
