I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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