Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
