I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
