WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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