peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
