420 ftw
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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