its not stalking. its research.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
