so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The Olympian is in my bed
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize