my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
