i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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