tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize