Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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