in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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