I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
