are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
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