just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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