Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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