wakey wakey hands off snakey
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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