I want to have your abortion
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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