I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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