yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize