My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
