the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
