I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize