I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
