Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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