Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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