When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
