i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
