I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize