"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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