I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
