just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize