people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
i think i just lost a toe
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
