he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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