good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
