Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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