Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
