So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
