I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
