I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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