I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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