What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
