Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize