I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
