Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
