She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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