So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize