Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I miss vodka workout Fridays
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Randomize
