i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I need a burrito and a hug.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
