was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
