I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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