Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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