No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
