true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
