so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
