he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
