Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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