I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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