I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize